August 31, 2008

Waitress

Dawn: I don’t care if she is a pie genius. I wouldn’t trade places with her.

August 30, 2008

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy (on returning to college): Maybe I should ease back in with some non-taxing classes like … Introduction to Pies or Advanced Walking.

August 29, 2008

A fifth-grade student, in his free choice homework writing:

I despise all pies except pumpkin pie.

August 28, 2008

Pushing Daisies

Narrator: The expression “pie in the sky” entered popular culture in 1911. It refers to a dessert so sweet it can only be found in heaven.

August 27, 2008

Special Topics in Calamity Physics, by Marisha Pessl

p. 140: … but one didn’t have to go inside [the restaurant] to know the menus were sticky, the tables seasoned with pie crumb, the waitress crabby, the clientele beefy.

August 26, 2008

Seinfeld

George: That’s pie country. They do a lot of baking up there.

August 25, 2008

Will and Grace

Karen: Shut your pansy piehole!

August 24, 2008

As The World Turns (contributed by Kelly Millner)
see yesterday's post for more with Jack and Janet.

Janet:Can I take your order?

Jack:Yeah, I've had a really tough day and I'm looking for something sweet. Is there anything you recommend?

Janet:Banana Cream Pie's pretty good.

Jack:Well, it's no tiramisu - but I guess it'll have to do.

August 23, 2008

As The World Turns (contributed by Kelly Millner)

Janet: Open wide.

Jack: What's with the banana cream pie? How's that supposed to help?

Janet: It's supposed to make you feel better... Look, you've had a rough night. It can't be easy arresting your cousin's husband. People talk around here. I listen.

Jack: I really don't want to get into it.

Janet: I know you don't want to talk, In fact, I don't think we should talk. Because you and me we're not about talking. We're about sex. Uncomplicated sex.

Jack: Alright - And you're still OK with that?

Janet: Oh, Yeah -It's all about sex and pie - Pie and sex! C'mon! Have a taste ...

(She shoves a forkful of pie into his mouth)

August 22, 2008

Juno (contributed by Kelly Millner)

Women Now Receptionist: Would you like a free condom? They're Boysenberry.

Juno: No, I'm off sex right now.

WN Receptionist: My boyfriend uses them every time we have intercourse. They make his junk smell like pie.

August 21, 2008

Alias

Spy(holding out a pie): We have a little homework for you.

Sydney: You want us to eat this pie?

August 20, 2008

The Simpsons

Homer (approaching the kitchen, thinking there is a burglar inside): I smell apples … cinnamon … crust (sniffs). It’s a pie! Why would a robber make a pie?

Bart: Who cares? If you kill him, we’ll be on TV.

August 19, 2008

Pushing Daisies

Olive: I was in shock after I lost my Pie.

August 18, 2008

Mysterious Skin

Mrs. Lackey: Now hold on you two. Why don’t we head to the front room and continue the conversation over the peanut butter peach pie I baked for the occasion.

August 17, 2008

Saturday Night Live

Target Lady: Double whammy! (holds up sweatpants and Nilla wafers) I can’t wait to sew these footholes shut, fill ‘em with potpourri and hang them from the rafters in my attic and then have my friends over to smell it and serve them pie!

August 16, 2008

Aliens in America

Franny (shouting out of car to her son, Justin): I love you, pumpkin pie. And don't forget to pick up those Sound of Music tickets.

Bully (to Justin): Hey, pumpkin pie.

August 15, 2008

Waitress

Jenna: Mama used to call this “Lonely Chicago Pie.” She made hundreds of different pies. They all had real strange names like “Car Radio Pie” or “Jenna’s First Kiss Pie.”

August 14, 2008

Name of production company:

Pie Town Productions

August 13, 2008

Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte

Jane: While I picked the fruit, and she made the paste for the pies, she proceeded to give me sundry details about her deceased master and mistress and “the childer” as she called the young people.

August 12, 2008

Gilmore Girls

Luke (to Jess): Ah … you’re like the all-American boy.

Jess: Call me Dirk Squarejaw.

Luke: Look at you. Eatin’ apple pie.

Jess: I’m outta here.

Luke: Hey, wave a flag, and sing God Bless America. Please.

August 11, 2008

Deadwood (My all-time favorite pie quote!)

Bullock: You pie-faced cocksucker … get in here and account for your insult.

August 10, 2008

Pushing Daisies

Olive: A slice of pie can’t solve all their problems.

Chuck: We just need to give them stronger pie and a little push … into the water.

August 9, 2008

Swingtown

Susan: Everybody back off. Take a breath. We need to ... pie.

August 8, 2008

The Simpsons

Marge (suggesting a new ending for Itchy and Scratchy): Couldn’t Itchy share his pie with Scratchy and then they’ll both have pie?

August 7, 2008

Infamous

Dewey: What can I do for you folks?

Truman Capote: Well, you can begin by serving me a large slice of humble pie. I’ve come to apologize for acting too big for my britches.

August 6, 2008

A Daily Show

Jon Stewart: (on the relative superiority of New York vs. Boston): Obviously, Boston has got great things. Uh … you got your cream pies … your strangler … your … uh … your massacre … your baked beans.

August 5, 2008

How I Met Your Mother

Robin: Hey. Did you know that the first pies in recorded history came from ancient Egypt?

August 4, 2008

How I Met Your Mother

Robin: I’d already broken the ice with my cool pie fact.

(See tomorrow's post for the cool fact.)

August 3, 2008

Pushing Daisies

Ned: You can have your pie but you can’t eat it. That’s the way it works.

August 2, 2008

Waitress

Jenna: “Marshmallow Mermaid Pie” – I invented it when I was nine years old … in my mermaid phase.

August 1, 2008

From a New Yorker article on pie-related books:

After months of near starvation, they (POWs) were freed by American G.I.s armed with rations of “liberation” cherry pies.